I know some of you military wives, oil rig wives, or other trucker wives who have hubbies out for months at a time, may be rolling your eyes a bit. And I can understand your impatience with my whining. After all, if I see someone complaining about their hubby being late home from their local job, I think 'spend a week in my shoes lady!'
My husband began trucking OTR almost a year ago. We knew it would be hard but were desperate for this career move to happen. He had previously been employed in the food industry in different positions, including management; and he was in school for a culinary arts degree. After a lot of discussion and frustration, he realized he really didn't want to make food his career. He wanted something he could do right away that paid big dollars. So, he got his CDL.
He's actually been really happy in this job. I've never seen him in a job for a whole year where he hadn't started complaining on regularly about the "crap" he had to deal with for a pittance of a paycheck. There may have been some aspects of his job he enjoyed but overall he found himself unhappy with his ability to provide for his family. This caused problems, not just at work, but at home.
When a man feels like he isn't being a good provider, he's emasculated. That feeling causes him to find other ways to validate his maleness and that has lead to infidelity and other issues in our marriage. That wasn't the only driving factor, but certainly contributed.
Of course I didn't help matters when I complained about not having money, or made him feel bad because I asked if we could do something extra, like go on a date, and he would do it knowing he was spending bill money because he didn't want to see my face when he said no. My husband does not like saying the words, "we don't have the money". He would give me everything under the sun if he could. But this has caused him more emotional stress than I've realized in the past. Because I didn't know we didn't have the money, I would spend and spend and ask and ask, leaving him with the burden of figuring out how we will eat and pay bills.
But now he's making more money than he ever has in the past and in a job that he actually enjoys for the most part. However, it's not without its hardships.
I'm a single parent now (in a manner of speaking). I home school our 7 year old son, our youngest is in Kinder in public school. I've got the household to run and take care of without his help every day. Even after a year, I'm not used to that. I guess I took how much he helped me for granted. He did all the grocery shopping, he ran all the errands, he would referee and do bath time with kids. I checked myself off the clock when he got home because I felt like it was his turn.
I recognize now how wrong of an attitude that was, but he never complained and now I'm the only one here to do these things everyday. Shoot, this might be why he's happy trucking!! (lol)
In the end readers, I'm throwing myself a pity party all the while admiring my husband for the sacrifices he's made and continues making so that he can be the rock we need. He can not face himself in the mirror when he feels he is an inadequate provider.
We might not have everything we wish for in the world, but we have everything in the world worth wishing for. God has truly blessed me and these children with a good and godly man.
None of this may mean anything to you, but maybe it will cause you to pause and look at your spouse in a new way. See how they may struggle with this same issue and as a wife, try to lift them up and encourage them.
Proverbs 21:19
“It’s better to live alone in the desert , than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.”
Proverbs 14:1
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”
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