If you have an ex spouse who hates you to the core of their very being, who probably fantasizes about your gruesome death, and you share a child with them, you may be able to relate to my recent experience.
Now, this post isn't going to be a page of venting about how I'm mistreated by my ex husband, but rather I feel the need to repent of my own behavior and being honest with you all about what I did wrong helps me to do that.
The truth is, this past weekend, my ex husband did and said some pretty horrible things and I reacted to his hateful behavior in a way I'm not proud of. I yelled and cursed and even flipped him off. In front of my small children. ...........Did you gasp in shock just now? Well I hope you did because I hope I've not portrayed myself as someone who does this on a regular basis.
I've excused my reaction as a mother's rage when someone attacks her children, because his hateful behavior wasn't just directed at me but at my other kids. But just because anger and the motherly instinct to rise up and protect my babies was justified, doesn't give me license to sin. And sin is just exactly what I did.
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. Ephesians 4:26
How would Christ react in that situation, I ask myself? Well, he let himself be beaten, spit on, mocked, and ultimately killed all while LOVING the people doing it to him! Oh Jesus, how can I ever be that loving towards a person?
His answer is always the same. And his answer came to me again through the words of my sister Sheila, whom I'm sure has heard me tell other people the same thing:
It's not him, it's a spirit.Of course, I didn't want to agree with that at the time she said it, I was mad!! He hurt my baby! He's just an ugly hateful person! Screw him!!
But she was right. My ex doesn't hate me. Satan hates me. Satan hates my children. And he uses the most handy people, willing to be used, to carry out his job of making others miserable.
I hate that anyone can make me so angry I lose myself. And that's what happened. I lost myself; because that person who yelled and cursed like a psycho, isn't me.
If you've ever been in this situation, and you're starting to feel convicted, don't worry; with conviction comes opportunity for growth and a closer relationship with Jesus.
I may have acted foolish, but despite my sin, God held my tears. Despite my misbehavior, God never turned his head in shame. Instead, he loved me enough to remind me of the truth. Just like the devil used my ex to hurt me, he used my sister and many friends through Facebook to remind me, he's present in my hurt and he cares about my pain.
He reminded me to pray for my enemies and love them. How HARD that is when you're so angry your head is spinning! But when it stops spinning and you take time to talk to the Lord, that anger disappears in the peace of his presence. There's no room to be mad. There's only a loving conviction that forces you to be humble.
Because no matter what I think of my ex, Jesus loves him, and I have to love him too.
If you need prayer today about being able to love the unlovable. Just comment below that you need prayer and I will pray with you for your situation.
You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Matthew 5:43-47
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